Updated: Sep 6
"What you talkin' bout Willis?" I'm so glad you asked. I use to think that my feelings betrayed me. I use to think when I needed them to be contained, they spewed out like hot lava, when a volcano erupts. After I pulled a scene and calmed down, no matter how much I apologised, that image of me acting the fool was etched in the mind of that individual.
I'm sure someone out there has updated my name to 'skitzo' in their contact list. On the heels of the Easter season, I think it's safe to say many people feel someone kind of way about Judas. Jesus didn't. He understood Judas was part of the big picture. Now that's not a hall pass for you to act the fool for no reason.
With that said, sometimes, what we think to be a healthy relationship, has some drama woven in. However, a conscious effort is needed to allow cooler heads to prevail. Being all in your feelings can get you to thinking, that if you had to do it all again, maybe you wouldn't. Can I just tell you, though, that your feelings aren't the real problem? It's how those emotions are expressed and thus received.
Sure, it is your God-given right to feel. What you 'feel' is true, especially to you. Why you 'feel' the way you do may even be valid. But in the end, it's what you do with those emotions that can make you seem classy or borderline trashy. We already know, these fellas ain't have no problem walking away calling us crazy. Even if they were the source. I'm not saying be Stepford Wives contained, but acting like a contestant from Bad Girls Club Season 2, won't get you what you want either.
Feeling some kind of way
Some years ago, I was diagnosed with having a chronic illness. That pretty much meant that I was in a constant state of being uncomfortable. During that battle, which lasted well over 7 years, I soon learned that my threshold for pain is perhaps more than the average person can handle. I can go for extended periods in a state of what I call enduring. Sadly, the act of enduring spilled into other aspects of my life. However, much like my physical discomfort, those areas were not so easily remedied with the pop of a pill.
One relationship, in particular, taught me some harsh truths. What I found was, the things I tolerated and let slide, he simply did not. Quite a rude awakening I'd say. There I was, forgiving and overlooking shortcomings, but when the shoe was on the other foot, my flaws weren't as regarded. Well, needless to say, once I flipped the script, honeyyy! All I can tell you is, the rest, as they say, is history. He's now added to my exes hall-of-fame. It all showed me one very profound thing, everyone's capacity to tolerate, is not created equal.
While you might be okay with giving fifth and sixth chances, someone else will cut you off after being a first time offender.
Regardless of my instinctive will to get even, I have to remain true to my beliefs. Taking my queue from the Bible means I am compelled to treat people as I want to be treated. Needless to say, that stance doesn't guarantee reciprocation, at least not the kind I sought after. So how then does one manage feelings?
Does counting to ten (including the concurring Mississippi) work? I dare say unless you are among the world's patron saints, you gonna need to power-up and chew on two fruit-of-the-Spirit-gummies, self-control, and peace. Might-as-well let you know, you're gonna hear about self-control (from me) until you turn blue in the face. It's that important.
All in my feelings
Turns out 'people' are just as fickle as feelings. Like grammy would say, "Yinna young people, is come and go with the tide." Nonetheless, you as an individual will have to decide, either you'll be who you know it's right to be, or you'll people-please, by trying to be all things, to all men.
I must warn you, though, trying to fit in that unattainable mould is exhausting. Look, no two people think alike. No two people act alike, and no two people feel the same thing at the same time. No matter how in sync you are in the beginning, or if you can each finish the other's sentence-when the day of reckoning should surely come.......
If two people are the same, one of them is unnecessary. -Larry Dixon
Listen, don't beat yourself up over someone else's actions. You can't take it on and parade it around as your battle scar-badge of honour. Suppose someone told you they are vegetarian, and then you spot them at Outback eating a steak. Trust me, the veggies aren't in the corner crying because they feel betrayed. They're still out there being fabulous and healthy.
Why? Because they know someone else knows their worth, value, and how they contribute to life. Don't just endure, or tolerate, because you feel you don't have a choice. Demand what you deserve and don't be apologetic for it, otherwise, you'll end up in the cycle of chronic disappointment!
What I need from you is understanding
See, the thing is, I always use to think empathy was the name of the game. But no, it's understanding. My prolific reference Solomon says it best, "In all thy getting, get understanding." I don't need to feel how you feel, but I need to understand why you're feeling the way you feel. Back in my high school days, popular girl group Xcape released a song titled, Understanding.
While I knew those lyrics verbatim, my little adolescent mind had no clue what any of it meant. Now, I finally get it. For me, the hook was that question, "How can we communicate if you don't hear what I say?" These days, all we seem to do is wait for our turn to talk, never really hearing or grasping what the other person said. I've been guilty of this so many times. After all, I only have 'thee' most justifiable point to make, right?
Peep this, Jesus sat there and supped with Judas. And we all know Judas was trapsy. At first, I couldn't understand how or why He wasn't mad. In all honesty, the role Judas played was so vital to the big picture. Jesus understood Judas' purpose. While some of us stumble on Judas, many of us chose him too. I'm not diminishing what has taken place in your life that may have caused you to go off. I'm just saying take a step back and really consider how you got in that predicament.
Please, I implore you. Forgive old boy-man. Yes, he was fowl. Yes, he did you dirty. Yes, he hurt you. But it's on you to not let him control you or your feelings. In the words of Joe Public, my seester, you got to live and learn.