Updated: Jul 1
If it isn't bad enough that I've yet to subscribe to my lifetime membership of cuffing season, I am well into my 30's and still out here having to list my sister as my emergency contact. Honestly, my last prospect should have been it. So what in the name of sweet baby Jesus happened? While that's really neither here nor there, all I know is if one more church mother tells me she's praying God sends my 'Boaz,' I'm fitting to lose my cotton-picking mind.
If you're a PK like me or spent any amount of time in a charismatic church, you'll find that most women sitting in the pews on Sunday, clutching their pearls, between the ages of 25-40, is waiting on some dude named Boaz. Even if 'sis' isn't looking but she's at that ripe child-bearing age, some church mother is trying to speak the infamous Boaz into her path. I mean, who exactly is Boaz, and why in the world is he the only standard by which all aspiring spouses are measured? I was so sick of hearing about him that I decided to fact check whats-his-face. I went into full-on CSI-Miami mode. While the Bible doesn't say much about the church's most' coveted, married and dead bachelor', (insert sarcastic roll-eye emoji) when you dig a little deeper, there are some things you'll realize about Boaz that you won't be so eager to attach yourself to.
Pressure not about to Burst my Pipe
M-kay pumpkin, let's get a few things straight.
Firstly, Reverend Church Mother, Boaz, is Ruth's man. I fully get that the phrase is supposed to be more metaphorical than literal, but it's this whole notion that some man is coming to rescue a damsel in distress that irritates me most. Really, why should he come equipped with an entire banquet table when some of us chicks can't even bring the napkin? I believe it's that perception that has women waiting on a man with more coins than Scrooge to magically make her life 'better.' While this can happen, the sentiment makes it seem as though we won't have a quality of life without 'him.' Barring that, I have some questions for Ruth. Like sis, "Tell me, what did it really mean when you laid at thing-a-ma-bobs feet? You can't tell me that that didn't mean something back then! Look I ain't mad at ya, you only did what you were told. But here in my post-Bible day, I'm getting all kinda pressure to be like 'You,' the poster child of 'working and waiting.' Look, my name may begin with 'R,' but ma'am, it ain't Ruth!
Secondly, Madam Founding Mother, Boaz, was forty years older than Ruth (He was 80, and she was 40). That's an absolute NO for me. Maybe some women would like that, but I'm not about to marry any man that much my senior or junior for that matter. I'm not looking to reconcile some daddy issues, and I'm not coddling some male-adult-child either. I'm just trying to stay realistic, and knowing what you want versus what you need, should be your first priority-rather than this build-a-man workshop that we keep trying to model.
Thirdly, President Emeritus of the Mother Board, my investigations into Lord Mogul, also revealed that he died the night after the wedding. "Ooooo, Devil, I know you lyin'! You'll play too much!" (doing the signature clapping hands for each word). Come on man, this even ain't right! He was literally her second husband. But I guess depending on who you are, the up-side to it may be that he didn't leave her childless. Geesh, poor Ruth couldn't catch a break. If it were me, straight up, I was pulling a Jesus raises Jairus daughter type miracle. "Boaz cumi!" He was not about to push pause on me just like that! No, Sir! I don't know where Boaz thinks he was going.
All fun and jokes aside, "Mother-so-n-so, are you really praying God to bring me this kind of calamity? I appreciate your concern, but no, thank you!" Truthfully, this is already the plight of the single woman, without someone sealing it with a petition to the heavens. You finally get a half-way decent man, then BAM, just like that you're left alone to be a single mother (insert SMT)! I mean, since I was a child, everyone chants this mantra-like the pledge of allegiance. Everybody 'waiting' on 'their' Boaz. It's getting really old and tired, and I'm so over it! What I will not do is allow church-folks to prematurely speak a dead situation on me. No, ma'am! That's the answer to one prayer, the prince of the kingdom of Persia is free to hold up as he did to Daniel.
Just let me Live, Please!
One is then only left to question, "Am I merely waiting, or is it a matter of happenstance?" Sad to say, for many of us single gals, it's probably the latter. A hand full of women over 30, well in my case 35, that desire marriage are single because we decided to 'wait'. Most of us already envisioned our couple of forevers, two forevers ago. Still, we forge on, fully armed with the five-step plan tattooed in our minds. You know the one: married by 25 (no scratch that-30. Oh snap-35! OMG-not 40!!!) and go jet setting for a year-just the two of us (fingers crossed). Then, buy a house (huh, I done' wait long, he better have one), crank out a couple of kids (in the name of sweet baby Jesus let my womb still work) and retire in our mom n' pop shop (if we're lucky).
Fairy tale aside, what if your 'ideal' isn't God's plan for you? Could you be fine if the marriage doesn't come until 45 or even 50? Would you still smile, and genuinely, if you had to do life alone? Let's say you do marry, what if your house was never filled with the sound of cute giggles and pitter-pattering feet? Well, sister, you better get to finding your happy place. You'll need that, if only for your sanity. Cause society ain't have no problem adding insult to your injury.
It's Rough-in these Pews
Over thirty years ago, Newsweek published an article that said women over 40 are more likely to be killed by terrorism than to get married.
“Say what now?!" Did they really compare my chances of getting married to a 9/11 tragedy? Well-judgment-day! Things are more dire than I thought. In which cave, then should I look to find a man willing to tie the knot before I fall into the category of a crisis? Is there at least one more unicorn or even a caveman left for me, or must l 'settle' for 'Boaz'? (i.e., the taken and dead thing). Even so, if I acknowledge the Newsweek article, I'd be admitting that I'm an epic disaster. Or that my life should be considered right up there with a national state of emergency.
I am now made to ask, 'What's a woman like me to do?' I mean, I think I'm pretty good-looking. Not in a sexy kinda way but a more conservative one. I'm educated, enterprising, articulate, and I can take a crass joke or two without copping an attitude. However, when I wrote my life down on paper, I realized, "Ohhhh, I am slightly lacking." I was the proud owner of one of the leading causes as to why marriages fail today. Financial shrinkage-I mean worst than natural hair on wash-day. It was plain to see I was no 'Ruth' in this Boaz saga. So, instead of worrying about what my new signature would look like, I shifted my focus to upgrading my coins, and fast. Like 877-CASH-NOW. Forget Boaz, call me 'Bo-az-in-ique'. Church dudes will need to be praying to God for me! For the record, though, this may not be your situation, this was my truth.
Go get yo 'life'!
The more I thought about it, the more I'm resolved that I should not be so consumed with having a man when life offers a plethora of other things that can use my undivided attention. Like working on being a better version of myself, acquiring my piece of the rock, perhaps learning a second language, volunteering, or just making sure I'm smarter than a 5th grader. I mean, unless your name is Nelly or Chingy, enunciating 'the' with two 'r's' at the end (thurr) is not a word, nor is it correct English!
While I'm sure being married, having a husband and some kids to boot must be pretty fantastic, being single is also fabulous. Although, I wish the world would highlight that part, rather than making single women feel as though something is wrong with us because no one has changed our last name. Remember, 'marriage' is not a woman's only goal to aspire too. While you may be single and praying for your 'manned of God', just make sure that that man gets what he prayed for when he marries you! "Hey, its ya girl Bo-az-in-iqe signing out!"