When it comes to a woman's hair, it is said to be her crown, her glory, the essence of her beauty. But honey, to be without edges is as much of a tragedy as shaving off your eyebrows only to draw them back on. Women today know that it takes a special kind of dedication to take a toothbrush, yes a toothbrush people, and carefully smooth the hairs on the sides of your head. Stroke by stroke until each strand lays prostrate to the hair gods.
So what about those who have nothing to brush at all? Honey, child, all I can say is sorry to hear that. You'd better get you some olive oil and petition the heavens. 'Cause once those edges are gone, it will take nothing shy of a miracle to get them back.
Still, when I compare the edges of my hairline to the edges of my life, you already know, I will find the commonalities. Your edges create a border, it serves as the perimeter or circumference of your face. Just know that without it, you look like something is seriously missing or better yet very wrong. All my melanin girls know that when your edges go AWOL, it's not a 'cute' look.
Comedians the world over have a field day about those missing in action hairlines. By the same token, 'edges' in your life, serve as a margin that prevents you from going 'off' the page. So if you're not making it clear to the people around you, what you will and won't permit, that's like getting Mexico to pay for the wall.
Close to the Edge
By definition, an 'edge' is considered the outside limit of an object or area. It's the place furthest from the center, that provides a border. I suppose if we translate that into relationship terminology, we can refer to 'edges' as boundaries. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm the girl that has to learn everything the hard way. I was that kid who you'd tell the stove is hot and I'd just have to touch it to see if it was as hot as you said it is.
Yes, I'm that girl and I don't want you to be like me. I want you to learn from my dumbness. One boundary that I kept moving further and further back, is tolerance. The outline that dictates what I should and should not accept. One thing is for sure, the saying holds true, what you allow is what will continue.
There is a difference between cutting people off and keeping people out.
Let's back-track to 2016, you go to bed and Hilary Clinton was in the lead. Then you wake up and what now!? Who is the President? Oh-Em-Gee! And just like that, our favorite family vanished from #1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Our lives can be almost identical to this momentous fiasco.
Look, boundaries aren't just to deter the outsiders, they also govern those in the gates. Still, I'm not here to talk about what to do in your relationship. That's on you and 'them'. I'm just giving some cues on what you might want to keep your eyes peeled for going forward. As quick as that Presidential race went sideways, that's just how fast your relationship can go south. Somewhere in Hilary's mind, there was no way she could lose to a man with zero political capital. All the same 'hunty' mess around and don't be clear on what you want and see how easily you'll be violated. You thought game recognize game, 'til you see you've been played.
The Edge of Reason
I remember my Pastor telling me one time that no sensible woman ever leaves a good man. At first, that went over my head until one day amidst some epic relationship drama, that one line rang like a church bell in my ear. So naturally, I asked myself if I went back over all the relational mishaps I've experienced personally, or even recall the stories of others, would I find one common thread?
You'd better believe I did. It's that most women keep accepting what we know to be unacceptable behavior. Now don't get me wrong, sometimes we are the ones dishing 'dirt' too. While there is a number of reasons for walking away from a relationship, the truth is most women excuse them and stay.
Some of us ride through the broke days, others roll through the immature phase, many of us bear with the unemployed period, while a multitude of us suffer through some kind of abuse (mental, emotional, or sadly even the physical) all in the name of being crowned 'the one'. Though infidelity is often the ultimate breach in security, many of us stay through that too. Why? Because deep in our core, we let what's good about a mate overpower and swipe all our edges (sense) like Freddie Krueger snatched dreams. Honestly though, ask yourself, does your partner have a clear and concise understanding of your deal-breakers? Have you outlined your position and actually followed through?
Have you ever had a situation that cut you coming and going? I have and I wish I could tell you that you can 'tragedy-proof' your life as easily as you can call the General for some car insurance. I wish I could tell you, you can tuck your heart in the kitchen drawer and make it hard for a guy to get to as easily as it is to install baby-proofing to your cabinets. But no, seemingly heartbreak comes as easy as opening a bottle designed for people with arthritis. Its like heartache stores your GPS location in its favorite-five and when it wants entertainment it comes looking for you.
I've learned, (and the hard way) that cutting off your nose to spite your face is equally as crazy as it sounds. I had to wonder, suppose I had done to men some of the things they had done to me in relationships, would they have stayed as I did? Each former beau who I posed that question to, answered with a resounding "I can't say." Translation: "Hell No." As many women would, I tested my theory. All the nuances one guy told me he didn't like for me to do, I subtly did to him. Of course, you know it was a classic case of "Hello Pot, my name is Kettle!" That chump went off. I mean like when Bruce Willis blew up the Nakatomi building. Still, I stayed. Why? Because my 'edges' were blurred like Robin Thicke's 2013 hit.
Sometimes walls are for protection
Look, I'm not saying you have to go constructing walls like you're some architectural engineer. However, what I am reminding you of is that old adage, 'Mean what you say and say what you mean'. Or if you desire to use modern slang "I said what I said." (#sorryNOTsorry) The catch is you have to mean it. Once a person finds out you're a wuss, there goes your edges-receding like Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson's hairline. Learn and know your limitations. Make them clear and only bend them because it's genuinely warranted and not because you've been hypnotized into submission by the 'feel-good anatomy part'.
Your relationship is not meant to be a replica of Mattel's Ken & Barbie but it doesn't have to be the hook from Jay-Z's 'It's a hard-knock life' either. Your relationships can be mutually beneficial once you put measures in place as not to have someone play puppeteer with your heart-strings.
Yes, having a laid hairline won't have you out in these streets looking like the female version of Preditor, but having 'edges' in your life will serve as your protection against some serious emotional 'intruders'. If haircare lines see the necessity in creating a product called edge-control, it would behoove you to take charge of your life and put measures in place to protect your greatest asset, 'YOU'. Whether you lay, slay or sashay, don't set yourself up to lie prey because you failed to protect your gateway! Okuurttt!