Yikes! So many decisions, so little time. Should I really wear white, or should I choose a hue, less colourful than my past? Timeless lace or sparkling crystals? A chignon, soft-curls or my signature cut? An empire waist, a princess cut or ball gown? Train or no train, veil or no veil? In a garden or a church? Spring or Fall? Roses or lilies? Morning or afternoon? A reception or nah? An entourage or the faithful few? Open seating or arranged seating? No garter and bouquet toss, or should I keep the tradition? Limousine or a vintage car? A wedding registry or monetary appeal? Themed or no theme? E-vites or invitations? Should I write my own vows or stick with the norm? You know what forget this, I'm just gonna elope.
Ha! I saw you clicking on this link faster than the notification landed in your mailbox. You thought I was getting married, didn't you? Sike! This piece is about saying 'Yes, but not for the reasons or in the way you may think.
Man, just think, all these decisions for one day, that'll be over in the blink of an eye. I mean, done before the ink is even dried on the marriage license. Although so much time and effort go into this single day, I often wonder if that same consideration was given when the question was asked? Are we this picky and finicky about the things that truly matter?
So this one time, someone's son asked me to marry him. Listen, even how it was done left much to be desired, but that's another story for another day. Anyway, I had initially said "Yes," and then days later, I went back only to say, "Ah, about the yes, well I changed my mind and issa no for me!" It took someone asking me some hard questions that caused me to take a step back and honestly evaluate if I was making a wise decision? Well, I don't have to spell it out, you already know this didn't end well, but what I will say is, "Ooh God, I thank You!" (in my Tabethia Brown's voice.")
Even after my own near-death experience, I'm still shocked at how we think we know everything about the person we promise forever too, but we don't know or understand our gifts from the Creator. You know the things that are innate to us, the very reason we are alive—that thing we refer to as purpose. Even so, we've studied and can anticipate our partner's needs and wants and can tell their mood based on the tone of their voice, but we can't decipher when it's the Lord's voice telling us to go in the other direction. We can expose to someone the secrets of our innermost being but adamantly keep God out of certain areas. After all, the truth of who you are takes God by such surprise (insert roll eye emoji).
Could you stop and think about it? Have you ever really considered what goes into saying 'Yes?' Contrary to popular belief, saying 'No' is far easier than saying 'Yes.' 'No' releases you from responsibility and obligation. But 'Yes' is your confirmation that you accept the terms and conditions set forth by the person doing the asking. It means you are locking yourself into doing something even when you won't feel like it. But in most cases, we don't take the time to read all those pages of the agreement; we just want what we want, when it feels good to enjoy it.
For instance, in churchdom; they love to preach to you how God wants your Yes. I'm not disputing that; it's a fact. But honey, let me tell you—mess around and give God your 'Yes,' just brace yourself for mortal combat to break out. I don't know about you, but after my for real "Yes," my life hit a crossroad, and it felt the only thing that is left to be said was "finish her." This Christan life ain't always rainbows and sunshine, and it most certainly will break you to make you.
All this makes me realize that saying 'Yes' is no joke. First of all, it means that you agree, and if you agree, that means you should have no problem surrendering. So you better know what you're surrendering to. While I'm at it, I might as well say 'Yes' calls for submission. Maybe I should say it louder for all my peeps in the back who think 'submission' is a curse word, yet everyone wants to get married or hold positions of high esteem. Either of these roles calls for compliance. A yielded 'Yes' demands you follow instructions. I dare you to play crazy and don't pay the bank back after saying 'Yes' to that loan and see if they don't snatch back, including all your edges and what they gave you. Consequences and repercussions, I tell you, when you default on your 'Yes.'
'Yes' challenges you to deny yourself. Ask any woman who has agreed to be a mother, see if she hasn't gone without for that child to have. With all that said, Why, in the name of all that is good and pleasant, do couples say 'Yes' to each other, then they act brand new about what's supposed to transpire? Why, after you took those folks' good job, do you pretend you didn't know lunch was only an hour or like you don't know when you violate a rule? Why, after you've stood in your queen's regalia to give the right hand of fellowship, that you're hollering 'church hurt' because someone has disagreed with you? Why fam? Disagreement doesn't mean we are enemies; it means we have opposing views. Well, in case no one else has told you, let me say, your 'Yes,' isn't hinged on the actions of someone else. Hence, disagreement needn't end in divorce or loss of friendship. With that said, 'Yes' calls for maturity. Okay, I stop; we not ready for all that.
This is Not a Game
Saying 'Yes' is by no means easy. Even Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup of agony away from me. But no matter what, your will must be mine.” (see Luke 22:42 TPT) Wow! Did you hear that? So, in essence, 'Yes' means the joining of wills! Whew, chile, you'll don't be out here giving your 'Yes' all willy nilly!
So while it was nice when whats-his-face booked the hot air balloon and asked you to be his forever 10,000 feet in the air, and you cried with the snot draining, and mustered a "Yes," know that that three-letter-word now expects for you to show up. That 'Yes' will require you to love the thing you said 'Yes' to—not even, but especially when you hate it. Above all this, 'Yes' requires you to do something. It requires continuous action and effort on your part. Now stay focused; we are not pointing fingers at anyone today. Your 'Yes' requires a commitment from you. We're not worried about what anyone else is doing.
I don't know, but so I've witnessed, it seems to be an amazing feeling to say 'Yes' to the dress, or anything else you agree to, BUT you'd better be sure you truly counted the cost. Ask yourself, "Is saying yes more important than being honest enough to say I'm not ready?" People tell you saying 'Yes' to Jesus is the best thing you'll ever do but be not deceived it's also the hardest. 'Yes' has pros and cons. Saying 'Yes' doesn't automatically flip the magical switch of 'Ohhhh, it's all better now!' Saying 'Yes' flips on the 'work, work, work, work, work' switch. Saying 'Yes,' is not even half the battle; it's the whole battle. While it may cost you something to say 'No,' saying 'Yes,' will, in most cases, cost you everything.
You're Locked In
Look, just because there is an offer doesn't mean your only choice is acceptance. I'm just saying count the cost. No, I haven't forgotten, so what's this dress that I've said 'Yes' too. Well, I don't recklessly execute significant settlements. And I do that, so I don't repeat every silly season. Translation: I don't make uninformed decisions because I don't want to be an Israelite, going around the same mountain for what feels like an eternity.
Before you add to the list of things you've said 'Yes' to, ensure that you're fully committed to what's already in front of you rather than what you're desiring. Your 'Yes' to God shouldn't be an after-thought of all the things you've cluttered your life with. A 'Yes' in this regard means, He'll always make it make sense!