Updated: Sep 6
Olivia Pope, cannot 'it's handled' your life to normalcy. Unfortunately, you can't swipe left on your problems to make them vanish, and you can't put a filter on your issues to make them look cute and flawless. Iyanla Vanzant may be able to muster an excellent tear-jerking conversation, but even she, nor anyone for that matter, can't 'fix' what isn't acknowledged.
Ask + Question = Answer
Let's not waste time, let's just get down to the nitty-gritty. The things you're mad about are probably a domino effect of the questionable decisions you've made. Don't believe me? Let me ask you this, "Have you ever asked a question, that deep in your gut, you knew the answer too? Or better yet, have you ever prayed for God to show you a sign, or get you out of a situation, and when what you prayed for happens, you big mad?" Why is it that when we ask God for something, we act shocked, almost in a coma of denial, when
He answers in the vein we already knew He would?
We ask for a good man, and when the one we have is removed, we wail. I mean to the point you'd swear it was a funeral. I often wonder how or why that is. If you asked to be shown who your friends are, why do you get upset when you see their true colors? If you ask God for a new job, then don't be mad if the one you're on, let's you go. Now, I could be wrong, but I think we're madder about how something pans out more than the fact that it happened.
Okay, so you prayed and said, "God, show me if this man is the one for me!" (insert smirk). Then BAM, life reveals to you exactly who he is. Yea, I know pumpkin, and I wish I could hug you and tell you, it'll be okay. Believe me, I understand. It hurts. But the truth is, you asked for the facts. As women, we've mostly been advised to look for potential. Many of us have been sacred by that dude name 'Potential.' But I've learned, that's incorrect.
Don't focus on wishful thinking, watch for patterns. Honestly, I (me) have all kinds of potential. But honey, my potential doesn't only pertain to the good. I have the potential to manipulate. I have the potential to lie. The potential to steal. The potential to cheat, and believe it or not, the potential to kill. But what do my patterns tell you about me? Do I lie? Am I forthcoming? Do I move suspect? Do I give one reason for pause?
I believe all men, just like us women, have potential, but it doesn't deter some of them from doing very questionable things. I'm not a man, and I can't speak for them. Ever. But I have to question most times, "Dude, what in the world were you thinking?" The answer, more often than not, is obvious. They simply weren't.
Signs, they keep going and going and going.......
"Lord, if this isn't for me, show me a sign." God, in all his infinite wisdom, says, "Okay, no problem!" He sends a text, an email, snail-mail, and a FedEx package. He follows that up with an ad in The Tribune, The Nassau Guardian, and The Punch (all local newspapers in New Providence, The Bahamas). Just when you think He was done, He tags you in a post on Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, LinkedIn, Pinterest, and Twitter. He will pull out a board game and tell you do not pass-go, do not collect $200, and still, you'll roll the dice and slide straight into Park Place with 2 hotels, owned by your opponent.
If that wasn't enough, He sends a smoke signal, a message by carrier pigeon, an advisory watch of a pending storm. Torrential rain, hail, sleet, and snow would fall, followed by a flood, but no, you'd just pull out your umbrella and put on rain boots. A volcano could erupt, a hurricane can come through, followed by tsunami surges and you could stumble and fall in a ditch. Yet and still, you'd get up, brush yourself off, look up and ask, "God, was that you, trying to talk to me?" I've learned that if the answer is not what we wanted to hear, we flat out refuse it, or ignore it altogether.
I can be very wrong, but most of us treat the idea of living like an à la carte menu. It's that whole notion of the 80/20 Rule. We would instead give up 80% of what is 'good' in search of the 20%, that in the long run won't even matter. Okay, for argument sake, maybe, ole-boy didn't mean to break your heart. Just maybe, he didn't mean to do it on purpose. Perhaps, it was your prayer that fast-tracked the inevitable.
Now, I'm not talking 'bout that Jody-from Baby-Boy kinda dude you been dating. No, not him. I'm talking about the man that you actually thought you had a future with. The one whose patterns matched his potential. However, if you pay close attention to the patterns, you'll see that his potential was giving telltale signs all along.
Prayer = Tool or Weapon
Be cognizant of what you pray, aye! Don't pray for stuff you really aren't ready for, and don't pray like you're informing God. He already knows. Pray to involve God. And ma'am, that's before you make the decision, okay? And for Pete's sake, don't make God your last resort. Don't involve Him when your soul already tired either; that's counterproductive. You don't take your car to Wendy's for service, and you don't trust Vegas with your banking. So stop taking matters of your future to your friends, unless they're qualified in the area where you need advice.
I like to say, knowing is half the battle, but the other half is what you do in the fight. Let's face it, we want to think we don't know what we've gotten ourselves into, but we do. Citizens don't join the army, thinking, "Oh, now here's a nice cushy office job!" No, they know that at any moment, they can be called on to serve their county, without notice. You cannot possibly date Jody but expect Prince Harry's values. Girl, bye!
I'm very open to God these days. I no longer compartmentalize the areas of my life I think are clean enough to allow Him into. That said, I remember praying that God saves me from myself. Why? Because I didn't want to fall back into the old habits, that die-hard. Yet, I was livid when someone didn't do what they told me they'd do. Days later, as I was about to tell God about it, I barely got out the first word, before He hit me, like an Acme anvil, falling from the sky! .......but isn't that what you asked Me to do, so what's the problem? (insert shame face emoji).
I said all that to say, be clear on what you want, and if you don't know what that is, it's okay to make that confession too. If you're not ready to let go, say that. But you can't want God to change your situation if you are not willing to undergo any transformation. If at a restaurant, you become irate when a server gets your order wrong, then why are you mad when life serves you exactly what you ordered? Listen, you win some, you lose some, but you can't have answered prayers and live a trifling life too.